The nannying basics & rules I live by
So for this post, I thought I'd write the rules I live by as a nanny. Having spent a lot of my time observing others nannying, parenting or being early years professionals, I have formed a clear idea of how I wish to conduct myself. Here goes.....
1. Never be a lazy nanny..
In childcare, I feel someone has to really love it to be a good nanny. If you don't, its probably not right for you. My worst fear would be to employ a nanny for my own child or send them to nursery, and them being in an environment where the was no genuine interest in them or care given and staff not motivated to reinforce positive behaviour. I love seeing people that are awesome childcarers and really know what they’re doing!
This isn't to say you can't have a moment to yourself, check your phone, have a cup of tea or pop to the post office to send a parcel if you need to (not forgetting to take said child with you). Its just about knowing those boundaries and ensuring the child you are working with is a priority. Sadly, I regularly see childcare professionals sat on their phones, chatting to other people for long periods of time or just looking really bored, with a child clearly desperate for some attention. This really infuriates me, because in my opinion, you are being paid to work and that child could actually be damaged long term for persistent lack of engagement. Children absorb everything and the early years for them are SO important. Many mum's I speak with also have a bad image of nannies based on what they see and I can understand why! Luckily, I hang out with a few other nannies (and mums!) who are brilliant with their kids. I know being a nanny can be isolating at times (same as being a mum) - but keep going out or going to groups and you do meet people. The borough I’m in has a nanny group, which I think is quite common.
2. Have an open and positive relationship with your nanny family..
Some nannies have a very limited or negative relationship with their nanny family. This can massively affect your relationship with the child. Being spoken down too, treated like you aren't important or given tasks that aren't appropriate for your role are not OK. I am massively lucky and have the most amazing family, but am aware this isn't always to case. I always recommend doing a week long trial and making sure your role is understood and there is an overall good rapport with them. Don't be afraid to be choosy - London families are desperate for decent nannies!
Work on building a relationship with the family too, it’s as much down to me as it is them. They are trusting me with the most important thing to them in the world, so I need to make sure they know I realise that and take it seriously.
3. Try to remove the word "NO" from your day to day interactions with your charge, unless the child is at risk..
It's possibly one of the hardest things to do, but it changed the way I work. By telling your child what you would like them to do instead of just saying “no” to everything, it teaches them what the positive substitution is. For example, if the child is using pens on the table, I could say "We need to use pens on the paper or the board, would you like more paper? The table is to eat from, not to draw on". I try to actually avoid the word no when giving any direction and instead say "STOP" in a serious situation, this will then give more impact when it is used.
4. I imagine I am the child and try to understand how they feel, without a complex adult understanding of the world. Just simplify...
Would I like someone not looking at me and shouting directions? Would I be able to fully understand what is asked of me or do I need help with visuals or being shown? Do I just need some space and time by myself? Is it intimidating having lots of adults stood around me? What is the real reason behind my behaviour, what am I actually saying?
I really try not to over analyse, but also be aware of patterns of behaviour (e.g A child regularly is unable to concentrate at a certain class, is it too over-stimulating? Is the child benifitting from it?). I'm aware their development is constantly changing too I need to adapt to this and keep reassessing their needs.
5. Keep trying new things but with a base routine..
London has SO much cool stuff to see and do, I actually spend a lot of time doing free or really cheap things. This keeps me stimulated and I find new places (in moderation) can really aid development. Spending time outdoors is massively important in my opinion and just using HOOP or the local council websites to search parks and green spaces shows you just how much there is to do.
6. Be confident in what you do, but still willing to take advice..
I honestly believe that confidence gets you a long way in parenting or nannying, as long as this doesn't turn into overconfidence! A child can easily sense when you're unsure, nervous or indecisive about something. I find this can create a dynamic where they are more likely to push boundaries or be unsettled about something - we all have times or self-doubt though, which is just inevitable.
7. Always be prepared to say sorry..
It's okay if you're not able to give them everything straight away, or you accidently bump into them when you turn around or you misunderstand what they are telling you, but just make sure you say sorry. This will teach them empathy, compassion and excellent social skills for later life. They are also more likely to say it to others automatically if something goes wrong.
8. Be firm but fair..
I consider myself quite liberal in the way of teaching but am strict on behaviour and manners. Short term hard work of nipping bad behaviour in the bud means long term happiness for everyone! What some people deem 'cute' as a toddler can quickly progress into something more negative. Be consistent and re-evaluate your approach, and ALWAYS praise the good stuff. Many negative behaviours stem from children knowing that's how they get attention.
Just to be clear, this is my moral standing, but it doesn't mean I'm not human. Sometimes I say no, sometimes I stick to the same thing for a couple of weeks if my charge really like an activity or when we just need a more chilled week and I can also occasionally give in to something when the little one is being just ridiculously cute (choose your battles I say!) But I always come back to these 'rules' and move on as opposed to getting stressed about it (which can be hard as I can be quite the overthinker, which gets MUCH more magnified if I'm stressed!)
I also completely take on the fact that I work, go home, get a full nights sleep and go back to work with weekends off. I also have extensive childcare training that has prepped me. Many parents work in a completely different field to childcare, wake up in the night with a child, get up at 6am day in, day out and face the guilt of pressures trying to be the perfect parent that every 'expert' puts upon you.
I often ring my mum or my housemate to talk through something that they may have a different view on and they'll give it to me bluntly, which I need. It's usually something I don't know the answer too or advice I've given someone that I may want to check is correct... sometimes I use google but end up getting sucked into the world of mumsnet, 5 articles deep about what type of sweetcorn is best for a child's development, at which point I’ve totally lost my mind at the never ending debates!
Note to self - avoid Google for any advice on child rearing. (Unless it’s the NHS site, that’s ok.)
Thanks for reading!
J X
1. Never be a lazy nanny..
In childcare, I feel someone has to really love it to be a good nanny. If you don't, its probably not right for you. My worst fear would be to employ a nanny for my own child or send them to nursery, and them being in an environment where the was no genuine interest in them or care given and staff not motivated to reinforce positive behaviour. I love seeing people that are awesome childcarers and really know what they’re doing!
This isn't to say you can't have a moment to yourself, check your phone, have a cup of tea or pop to the post office to send a parcel if you need to (not forgetting to take said child with you). Its just about knowing those boundaries and ensuring the child you are working with is a priority. Sadly, I regularly see childcare professionals sat on their phones, chatting to other people for long periods of time or just looking really bored, with a child clearly desperate for some attention. This really infuriates me, because in my opinion, you are being paid to work and that child could actually be damaged long term for persistent lack of engagement. Children absorb everything and the early years for them are SO important. Many mum's I speak with also have a bad image of nannies based on what they see and I can understand why! Luckily, I hang out with a few other nannies (and mums!) who are brilliant with their kids. I know being a nanny can be isolating at times (same as being a mum) - but keep going out or going to groups and you do meet people. The borough I’m in has a nanny group, which I think is quite common.
2. Have an open and positive relationship with your nanny family..
Some nannies have a very limited or negative relationship with their nanny family. This can massively affect your relationship with the child. Being spoken down too, treated like you aren't important or given tasks that aren't appropriate for your role are not OK. I am massively lucky and have the most amazing family, but am aware this isn't always to case. I always recommend doing a week long trial and making sure your role is understood and there is an overall good rapport with them. Don't be afraid to be choosy - London families are desperate for decent nannies!
Work on building a relationship with the family too, it’s as much down to me as it is them. They are trusting me with the most important thing to them in the world, so I need to make sure they know I realise that and take it seriously.
 |
| Highbury Fields, Autumn 2017. |
3. Try to remove the word "NO" from your day to day interactions with your charge, unless the child is at risk..
It's possibly one of the hardest things to do, but it changed the way I work. By telling your child what you would like them to do instead of just saying “no” to everything, it teaches them what the positive substitution is. For example, if the child is using pens on the table, I could say "We need to use pens on the paper or the board, would you like more paper? The table is to eat from, not to draw on". I try to actually avoid the word no when giving any direction and instead say "STOP" in a serious situation, this will then give more impact when it is used.
4. I imagine I am the child and try to understand how they feel, without a complex adult understanding of the world. Just simplify...
Would I like someone not looking at me and shouting directions? Would I be able to fully understand what is asked of me or do I need help with visuals or being shown? Do I just need some space and time by myself? Is it intimidating having lots of adults stood around me? What is the real reason behind my behaviour, what am I actually saying?
I really try not to over analyse, but also be aware of patterns of behaviour (e.g A child regularly is unable to concentrate at a certain class, is it too over-stimulating? Is the child benifitting from it?). I'm aware their development is constantly changing too I need to adapt to this and keep reassessing their needs.
5. Keep trying new things but with a base routine..
London has SO much cool stuff to see and do, I actually spend a lot of time doing free or really cheap things. This keeps me stimulated and I find new places (in moderation) can really aid development. Spending time outdoors is massively important in my opinion and just using HOOP or the local council websites to search parks and green spaces shows you just how much there is to do.
 |
| Canonbury New River Walk, Autumn 2017. |
6. Be confident in what you do, but still willing to take advice..
I honestly believe that confidence gets you a long way in parenting or nannying, as long as this doesn't turn into overconfidence! A child can easily sense when you're unsure, nervous or indecisive about something. I find this can create a dynamic where they are more likely to push boundaries or be unsettled about something - we all have times or self-doubt though, which is just inevitable.
7. Always be prepared to say sorry..
It's okay if you're not able to give them everything straight away, or you accidently bump into them when you turn around or you misunderstand what they are telling you, but just make sure you say sorry. This will teach them empathy, compassion and excellent social skills for later life. They are also more likely to say it to others automatically if something goes wrong.
8. Be firm but fair..
I consider myself quite liberal in the way of teaching but am strict on behaviour and manners. Short term hard work of nipping bad behaviour in the bud means long term happiness for everyone! What some people deem 'cute' as a toddler can quickly progress into something more negative. Be consistent and re-evaluate your approach, and ALWAYS praise the good stuff. Many negative behaviours stem from children knowing that's how they get attention.
Just to be clear, this is my moral standing, but it doesn't mean I'm not human. Sometimes I say no, sometimes I stick to the same thing for a couple of weeks if my charge really like an activity or when we just need a more chilled week and I can also occasionally give in to something when the little one is being just ridiculously cute (choose your battles I say!) But I always come back to these 'rules' and move on as opposed to getting stressed about it (which can be hard as I can be quite the overthinker, which gets MUCH more magnified if I'm stressed!)
I also completely take on the fact that I work, go home, get a full nights sleep and go back to work with weekends off. I also have extensive childcare training that has prepped me. Many parents work in a completely different field to childcare, wake up in the night with a child, get up at 6am day in, day out and face the guilt of pressures trying to be the perfect parent that every 'expert' puts upon you.
I often ring my mum or my housemate to talk through something that they may have a different view on and they'll give it to me bluntly, which I need. It's usually something I don't know the answer too or advice I've given someone that I may want to check is correct... sometimes I use google but end up getting sucked into the world of mumsnet, 5 articles deep about what type of sweetcorn is best for a child's development, at which point I’ve totally lost my mind at the never ending debates!
Note to self - avoid Google for any advice on child rearing. (Unless it’s the NHS site, that’s ok.)
Thanks for reading!
J X
Comments
Post a Comment